Saturday, October 27, 2007

The Road

I have been feeling very down lately which, if you knew me, you would realise is very unlike me. Life has taught me to roll with the punches; if you get knocked down you get back up and you keep going. As we all know, nobody ever said life was fair or easy. We know that life is a bumpy road and that sometimes it will be bumpier than other times. I feel that I have had a pretty bumpy time over the last 18 months or so. Each thing that has happened has gradually had an accumulative effect. A recent set of incidents involving a brother have been the last straw. I do not want to go into details but suffice to say that it hurt an awful lot and left me confused and taken aback. After the death of my niece and my divorce among other things, the camel's back found it's limit and now I find myself, well, very down and finding it hard to shake off.


I do feel I have turned a corner recently though. I got fed up with feeling so awful, and I got really bored with crying too much, which is definitely not like me. My head felt like it was full with a big ball of tangled wool and I have been trying to untangle it. So I have rummaged around in my psyche and dug deep and found some resolve. It is not easy, I find that my feelings are easily hurt and that I can be quite defensive at the moment. Getting my act together to do things can be difficult. But I am getting there. Anyone who doesn't know me well would never know anything is wrong, which suits me fine as sometimes you just have to get on with things. Life doesn't stop. The road stretches ahead and all we can do is hope that the road will become smoother. The picture above hangs in my house and at the moment when I look at it I am reminded of this road that we travel. Thanks to those who have been a great support to me recently, who listened and walked a part of this road with me for a time. You know who you are.

22 comments:

kenju said...

It is good to know you have turned a corner, Bob-kat. I am feeling a little like you here lately; due to mr. kenju's stroke and some work issues. Like you, I am usually sunny natured, but we all have our peaks and valleys, don't we. Sometimes we have to allow ourselves time to be sad and then we can pull out of it. I'm glad you are coming back!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

No one ever said life was easy, but I swear, the best things I've found have been the ones that have caused the most stress and/or sacrifice.

Hang in there. Keep reminding yourself of what's important, and take some time and pamper yourself, babe!

.:mar said...

That picture is beautiful! There is also some sunshine along the road, you'll get plenty of it. Soon, I hope!

R. Sherman said...

As trite as it sounds, hang in there. There is no easy way through these times yet we must go on. You have friends. Tell them how they can help and they will. All the best.

Niall said...

:-)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

What a wonderful picture Bob-Kat....Would that the road of life were always straight ahead with that lovely light leading the way! I am glad you feel you have turned a corner, my dear...But you know, allowing yourself to feel as bad as you actually do is a very healthy thing, I think, because it leads to the ability to "pick yourself up...." And start all over again. The human spirit is an amazing thing....I only hope and wish that you get a real break here and that THAT road in the picture will be your life for a nice long while now....!

BTW: I loved what you said about pulling an allnighter---LOL..How true....I can remember that, too...And where it went into almost two days with no sleep, due to a certain "stars" demads that the Set be completely repainted, chairs recovered, a window made bigger, etc, and we had about 20 hours to do it in....It is the first and only time that I actually fell asleep on a very hard dirty floor and what woke me was the sound of the curtain being pulled and whooshing by---signaling the end of one scene and Prop Changes (My job that week) going into the next scene...and THEN, back on the floor for me....in Zzzzzzzland. Ahhhh yes, those were the days! (lol)

Nikki-ann said...

Just from reading your blog over the past year I can tell you've had a hard time of it. I'm glad to hear you are looking on the positive side and getting through things. I really hope some good things happen in your life and soon. You certainly deserve someting good after what you've been through. Take care :)

rashbre said...

A friend of mine talks about knowing the soundtrack to one's life; the `'right now`' moments and what is/would be playing.

Then sometimes a scene change and different tempo.

I sometimes remember this when things get difficult and along with the other piece of advice from a different friend about playing the blues when I feel down.

And my little personal mantra about 'there is fun going forward' definitely fits your marvellous picture.

moon said...

Great picture to be able to look at and contemplate...Sorry you are feeling so low...but glad that u are trying to climb up and out of it...As some here said...Life sure isn't easy at times...I have had some very black moments in my life...if there is one thing I remember each time it's ''This too shall pass'' I swear, such a simple phrase helps me to know that some day I will look back at this difficult time I am living through now..it's comforting..
One possitive I'm sure u already know is...the dark times...sure make the lighter ones alot brighter. And we get stronger for each battle we fight.

Prats said...

Its always good when you begin to understand your state of mind, and begin the process of recovery.
*the sunshine will seep through your life, and we'll all be there to cheer you there :)

David said...

praying ( right now; 7:29 calif time) that you will find hope, strength and joy in your journey.
drop me a line

November Rain said...

this is what my poem on my blog about the sailboat is about

the sailboat is me and the ocean and storms and sunrises and sunsets are life...


Just remember that the rain does go away and soon the sunrises

Beckie said...

You have had a rough go of it lately. It is ok to feel bad. It is also good to turn corners and pick yourself up and continue on.

Wishing you the very, very best.

Melody said...

Turning a corner is a great thing. Life is too short, I think you know that already. Keep your head held high and remember the most important thing, which is to keep smiling... :)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Hi Dear B-K....
Hope you are feeling a bit better, my dear...Do give Bob a Nig Hug from Sweetie and Me!

I did such a stupid thing Early Sunday A.M.(Around 2:30am) I slipped anf fell, right in bedroom, hittimg my cheekbone on the end of the arm of a chair..(Wood, but rounded at kleast..) Very close to my eye!!! It is a miracle I did not actually hit my eye! (Help!!!)..It hurts like all get out and is turning all sorts of ugly colors...plus being quite swollen...But,
Other than that, nothing else is new! (lol)

Little Miss Muffet said...

came here to catch up on ur posts and am feeling really sad reading your post :( i think i can understand how you feel..am just coming back from a upsetting month myself, where it seemed to be just one thing after another...and i have experienced an entire bleak year before too, so i know how tiresome crying and feeling muddled is....all i can say is "Hang in there"..there's no way to make it easier but to go through it all, just hoping it will make you stronger..but you don't have to feel alone...we are here to make you feel better, to lend a ear :) take care..

utenzi said...

I hope the 3 days since you posted this have been witness to an improvement in your mood, BK. Resolving to feel better can often be all you need. Good luck!

Carmi said...

The best people always seem to be challenged the most.

It's funny how people read into the lives of others. They think that because he/she has [fill in list of possessions here], is employed by [fill in high-powered job here], is dressed a certain way or drives a certain kind of car or lives in a certain neighborhood or large house, that he/she MUST be perpetually happy.

I think I'm living proof that this isn't always the case. Looks aren't always what they seem. And it's just as likely for someone who's able to juggle a million conflicting, complex components of life on the head of a pin to have down and dark moments as it is for someone who doesn't seem to be so overtly blessed.

In my case, I often feel overwhelmed by the pressure to succeed, the need to make it all look the way others expect it to look, the need to fulfill the expectations of others even if it means sacrificing bits of myself in the process.

I short, life sucks sometimes. I felt every word in this entry, and I want you to know I empathize on a level that words can't explain. Sending you good thoughts from a similar place.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN my Dear Bob-Kat....Will you be going to a party or anything? I know it is not as big a deal as it is here...Lordy, it is a HUGE Holiday here....Everyone dressing up and Trick or Treating, etc...

David said...

my quick depression tips:
get out,
excercise
work your body hard, breathe really deeply for a few minutes.

more later

Shephard said...

Kenju's right. Peaks and valleys. And that means nothing stays the same. This current malaise must change! It has no choice. You're stronger than it, so you'll still be around after the unpleasantness is transformed.
Sending you good thoughts.
~S

Julie Schuler said...

When I first read the title of the post I thought it was going to be about that Cormac McCarthy book....
don't read it if you're feeling down. When I'm sad I try cry-eating, give it a whirl!