Thursday, October 11, 2007
I. Am. Divorced. Le Divorced. The 'Decree Absolute' has been granted so now I have a new box to tick on forms. I am no longer 'married', nor 'separated' but 'divorced'. I have been trying the label out in my head: 'Dee-vor-cee', but at the moment it doesn't seem to fit me very well. I think I prefer 'unmarried' as that is what I am again. I must say that I hate the boxes on forms. To me, you are either married or you aren't. I realise that legally, such things have great import for legal rights to assets and such, but the boxes are more insidious than that. They force us into social subsets which say nothing about who we really are.
Mind you, I have always rebelled against being put into a box, no matter what the label. I am unique. Just like you. No box required; I have a name. There are all sorts of popular assumptions that come with the label 'divorcee' that I don't like, 'damaged goods' being one of the worst and 'failure at relationships' being another. Not upheld by everyone, but still out there. My marriage did fail, but those reasons are complex, myriad and personal. To assume anything about who I am, or how good I am at relationships is a weak extrapolation. It takes two people to make a relationship work.
Ending my marriage has been a long and painful road so there is no celebration. Granted, it could have been much nastier but we both decided to behave like civilised adults and handle the divorce ourselves. So despite some bumpy bits we got through it. It is simply the close of another chapter in my life and all that I feel is relief that it is over so that I can get on with my life without this hanging over me. He is moving on. Good luck to him. I hope he will be happy. I am moving on. I hope I will be happy too. A new chapter has begun. Après le divorce!