Back in Blighty

I've been back from San Francisco for a couple of days now, battling jet lag, catching up on tons of laundry, getting my bearings and braving the British weather. I had a fabulous time and having left SF with blue skies and sun I returned to torrential rain and gale force winds. A further bump back to earth came when I got home and realised I had a suitcase full of dirty washing to contend with and I had to go back to work. To paraphrase a famous Hollywood icon, 'Toto, I guess I'm not in California anymore'. Photos will follow soon.

Packing Boxes and Bags

I do not know where October has gone to. It seems to me that it has been cut by around three weeks or so. Mind you I have been busy so it is not surprising that time has flown by. So, what have I been up to? There is so much to tell.

Work has been hectic, and I mean more so than usual due to various factors beyond my control. Also, at the start of the month I had a really bad chest infection which left me unable to breathe properly. I was put on a course of steroids strong enough to be the envy of an athlete with questionable morals and told if things didn't improve in a couple of days then I would be admitted to hospital. Luckily I did improve but am still not 100%. Nasty bug. So, I had to have some time away from work which further compressed deadlines. I have been very tired. On top of that I found out recently that my post has been cut so I need to find something else.

I have also been raising funds for Operation Christmas Child. I chuffed to bits that I managed to fill and wrap 50 shoe boxes for under privileged children this year. It's so simple to do and has such an immediate effect as I know that the box I put together will be received, as it was sent, by a child that would otherwise receive nothing. I love that such little things like soap, toothbrushes, stationary, small toys, hats, gloves etc. are appreciated. It seems to me that we can take a lot for granted sometimes. In Romania, the children from gypsy families cannot even go to school unless they supply their own stationary so just a few pencils and notebooks can provide access to education. Who would have thought it would be so simple to really make a difference to someones life?

I also had my first professional commission as a photographer. A friend of mine has written a book about survival during a zombie apocalypse and I have been assisting with taking photographs and editing. Taking the photos was quite intense but a lot of fun, especially when we had people made up as zombies. I loved that even though there was a list of shots that were required I could also still exercise some of my creative skills and came up with a few good ideas of my own. It was good experience having to direct the people modeling, especially as none of them were professional models. It was pretty time consuming but worth it as the book has been published and is available online.

So, after all that I think I deserve a holiday and so that is exactly what I am doing. Soon I will be jetting off to San Francisco, somewhere that has been on my list for some time. Literally everyone I have spoken to that has been there has said that they loved it. I am so looking forward to seeing it for myself. Of course this means that I will be absent from blogging for around just over a week but I am going to make a concerted effort to visit all my blog friends before I go. Watch out San Francisco, I'm packing my bags.

Where is Bobkat?

Blog friends of Bobkat have recently been puzzled by her apparent absence. Until recently Bobkat was a frequent visitor to others blogs and could often be found at her own blog posting and behaving in a convivial manner.

Bobkat was last sighted at her virtual home ‘Bobkats House’ a week last Tuesday, when she was heard to mutter something about “popping out for a short while” and that she “might be some time”. Her cats, Max and Sam have refused to comment but released a short statement which simply reads “Meow”. Such brevity has not shed much light on the subject.

Bobkat left some clues as to her whereabouts and was seen last week in the South East of the UK attending a Leadership course. Reports have also been made of sightings in Wales, where it is believed she is taking photographs to provide illustrations for an upcoming book on ‘How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse’. Additional reports have been made of a woman matching Bobkats description, putting small items into shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child. As the sighting was made at her home address it’s a fair assumption that it was her. A note found on her neglected laptop simply reads ‘Back soon, hugs n stuff’.

Of cats, shoe boxes and newspapers.

Can we have new beds please? These are not up to kitty standards!

Firstly thanks to everyone who left kind comments and encouraging words on my last post. I really appreciated them. I've been shooing my black dog away, though things remain trying. I decided to use some of my work skills and apply them to my personal life and so I made a list of everything that was bothering me, what the issue was and then looked at what I could actually change and what I might just have to accept and how I could go about this - a little like a very organised version of the serenity prayer. It helped organise my thoughts and so now I am working on resolving the things on the list. Curiously, the things that I can change are not necessarily the hardest ones to tackle. It's one thing knowing you have to accept something and quite another one actually learning to live with that.

I can see myself in that funny thing you're holding to your face!

Meanwhile life goes on and my kitties are growing up at such a rate! They are now the size of the average adult cat and are just coming up to 6 months old. They are still the pure embodiment of mischief and are into everything. Their personalities get more developed with each passing week and they have started to get very definite habits. It's wonderful watching these two cats develop from little balls of fur into what I hope will be lovely companions.

Watch the birdie? What birdie?

I have been putting together shoe boxes of gifts for Operation Christmas Child and my boys have been "helping me", hence the photo of Max in the shoe box. So far I have put together sixteen shoe boxes and I'm raising funds to do more through work. To do this I run a tuck shop and a trading post for CDs and DVDs where people bring in their old ones and can exchange them for something else for £1.

Very sleepy...

On a different note, I saw a familiar face in one of our national newspapers last week. It wasn't a shock really as I did consent to the interview. The interview was about my MBA and my experience of studying and how it has benefited me in my career and was used as a case study to support and article on MBAs. It's a silly piece of vanity I know, but I was quite pleased with the article and how it looked. I even sounded good to me and it was a good boost to my morale.

I also had the results of my MBTI assessment and my 360 degree feedback at work. This gave me such a boost on one hand and a little bit of a shock on the other. It was great as many ex line managers of mine completed it and had some really nice things to say about me and scored me quite high on many qualities. The shock came as my current line manager scored me very low on most attributes and his assessment was way out of line with colleagues and everyone else.

Best buddies

I discussed this at length with the consultant giving the feedback analysis as he voiced his concerns about the disparity between the scores. From discussion we felt that the culture and the team I am in are holding me back, even suppressing me and not letting me shine. My boss is also new to management (we are his first staff) and it was felt this was a major factor as within the team culture he probably felt he couldn't give high scores. It's a great concern as a report on the same lines will hold me back from promotion so I need to address this with him and explore why his scoring was so much lower than everyone else. The up side - I know it isn't me and that work and the negative energy there is affecting me. I am seriously looking for another job with another team in the organisation. Sometimes, information comes just at the right time, and this time it's helping me address something negative through giving me a positive boost. And just knowing this has made me feel so much better already.

Feeling doggy

This isn't a real post. It's more of a place marker.

I am feeling very low lately. I'm in a kind of fugue and I can't seem to shake it. I am not enjoying the work situation and my family have done a sterling job of making me feel crappy. In August I was excluded from my nephews 18th birthday barbeque a couple of weeks ago and my (oldest) brother's family birthday tea last weekend. My mother is always sure to tell me about them though, and if I try to discuss how hurt I am feeling she simply changes the subject in the middle of my sentence. Needless to say, my other (youngest) brother is involved in all this and so the family that didn't want to know, and wouldn't take sides have effectively taken sides. Apparently it is okay to send abusive text messages to your sister and then expect an apology from her. Who knew?

I can't seem to keep on top of anything, chores are getting away from me and my health has not been good.

I might very well delete this post as I might decide I sound too self indulgent later and I hate it when I sound like that. I cannot stand sounding whingy. I know I need to pull myself together and 'get over it' or whatever. It just isn't easy. I will be by to visit when I can, but otherwise I hope you forgive my absence. Like Winston Churchill, I have a black dog on my shoulder to shake.

Just to prove I'm still alive

Awakenings - Art by Tracy Kobus Fine Arts

Buzz, buzz, buzz...busyness abounds! Work is hell on toast (still) and among other things occupying my time are;

• two kitties full of hormones, hell bent on destroying my home (Max chewed through the hallmark doggie tag off my Radley bag today)
  
• a never ending list of chores
• a new aquarium
  
• putting shoe boxes together for Operation Christmas Child
• setting up a trading post for CDs, DVDs and games at work to raise funds for charity
• an interview with a national newspaper about my MBA
• organising a trip to see a museum collection for our historical fencing club

Never a dull moment eh? This week I also have to go for another blood test to check my thyroid function. Since having half of it removed I have suffered from hypothyroidism. I have been on hormone therapy now for a couple of months and I feel so much better. It's such a big plus being able to stay awake. I am not exaggerating when I say it has felt like a similar experience to the patients in the film 'Awakenings'. For so long I have felt like a walking zombie, unable to concentrate, with no memory and who spent any energy she could muster, Just. Staying. Awake. Dammit.

Before I go I thought I would leave you with two tips for top TV: 'Lie to Me' and 'True Blood'. The first is a psychology based drama and it's intelligent, smart and well written. Tim Roth plays Dr Lightman who is an expert in unearthing the truth using the facial Action Coding System which uses micro expressions to read people. The second follows Sookie, a barmaid living in Louisiana who can hear people's minds, and how her life is turned upside down when a Vampire called Bill, walks into her place of employment two years after vampires 'came out of the coffin' on national television. It's early days with this one but there is something about it that intrigues. Take a look and see what you think.

Because you asked so nicely...

The Boys

Many people who stop by here have asked about Sam and Max and requested photos, so at the risk of boring all my non cat loving blog friends, here are a couple of recent pics. My boys are growing up, and fast!

Sam

Sam and Max came to live with me at the start of July and are now definitely part of the family. As time has gone on I have come two know two very different little characters. Sam is an intense and needy little fellow. If I turn around it's most likely to be Sam getting under my feet (though he does not have exclusive rights to this). He also has a temper on him and complains about things that won't co-operate with him and smacks things with his paw (like closing doors). He is also the one that catches onto things more quickly and sits on his hind quarters with his fore paws in the air when he wants something.

Max

Max is the slightly larger of the two and is very laid back. Very little fazes him and he is by far the more independent of the two. Max knows his own mind and is into everything. This can also lead him into naughtiness (but he doesn't hold the monopoly here) but he has a very loud and ready purr and a sweet nature.

Both of them are lovable rogues and are very playful. Their days are carefree and consist of playing, napping and chasing each other around the house at 100mph. They are indoor cast as their nature is too trusting and open and paired with curiosity means that Ragdoll cats often go missing or worse when left to their own devices in the outside world. However, I have bought them harness and lead sets and they love going out around the garden on a sunny day and sit very patiently while I put their harness on. They have also learnt to answer to their names (most of the time), and know words such as 'food', 'no', 'down', 'out' and 'up' though sometimes suffer from selective deafness! They are my pride and joy and drive me mad. Right now they are both sat on the sofa with me.

As for the rest of my life, well, I am acutely aware that I still haven't been visiting my blog friends much. I am busy but that is not the whole story. Work continues to be very stressful and I simply have very little energy for anything. The team culture is very reactive and rather than being lead, I feel like I am being yanked on a leash, not knowing which way to go next until I am jerked in that direction. On top of that, there is also much micro-management from above in the food chain and there is a disconnect between being able to manage your own work and responsibility for it. I do not thrive under such conditions I'm afraid and I am very tense as a result and am suffering from back and neck pain. I am hoping things will settle down in the long term but basically I am keeping my eyes open for another opportunity elsewhere in the organisation. Fingers crossed.

In short...

Sorry I've been AWOL. I've been hellish busy or away.

Just got back from a weekend of camping where the heavens parted and dumped a sea on our heads. Apparently mere rain would not soak us enough. The campsite was also dreadful with very little level ground not populated by thistles and very soon turned into a quagmire. Despite this a good time was had in the evening huddled round a barbeque for warmth and food although rain spoilt play during the day. Ah... the joys of a temperate climate. I am so glad to be home, warm, clean and dry after a hot shower and a proper meal and am looking forward to my own bed. There is nothing like deprivation to make you appreciate something.

This week work is going to be gruesome (work) and I doubt I'll have much time for blogging again. I am conscious that I haven't been by much lately and hope to fix that soon! Meanwhile I appreciate you popping by.

Wind of change

I haven't posted for a little while and to tell you the truth I haven't got a clue what to write now. I am alive and well... 'well' meaning things are pretty much the same. Except that I have been feeling pretty much demotivated by work and the feeling is so acute that it is spilling over into the rest of my life despite my best efforts to contain it and leave 'work' at work.

Change is an inevitable part of work these days and the team I am in are being subjected to a lot of change. I use the work 'subjected' advisedly. I am not one to balk at change. It has always been highlighted as one of my strengths in work appraisals and I have long since realised that change can be for the better and that if not, nothing lasts forever and things can always be changed back, or they will change yet again. I have long since learnt to sway with the wind of change like the reed in Aesop's fable, rather than break like the unbending tree. So why is this change causing so much stress?

While I was studying for my MBA I learnt that change is not just inevitable, but necessary in the business world. Organisations need to be able to adapt to the changing context they operate in. They need to meet evolving customer needs and they need to roll with the punches like the current recession in order to survive. I also learnt that there are methodologies that make such changes easy for everyone involved and that the flip side of that coin is that there are less than satisfactory ways to manage change.

Change is like a journey and if you are leading or managing a change initiative you need to take those affected on the journey with you. You need to be able to communicate what the change is about, why it is necessary and where you are heading.

You must involve those affected, consult with them and ensure that stakeholders are kept up to date and their views considered.

You must be cognisant of cultural factors, particularly when two teams are being amalgamated - all too often the meaning of words can be different as well as the accepted way that things are done.

You must plan how the change is going to happen and delegate areas so that people feel involved. You must get a senior manager to Champion the change and actually lead it in more than name.

You must review progress to ensure you are on track and address any concerns - remember resistors to change are not the enemy, sometimes they are resisting for a very good reason and it could be something you have overlooked!

Last but not least people should know what is happening and when and disruption to normal work should be minimised.

All this is is a 'should do' list, not a 'don't do' list! Change is never easy to manage and it is a learning experience for anyone involved, no matter at what level of the organisation. I have personally helped scope and manage two large change initiatives in the recent past and together with my Masters degree I feel I know the good from the bad from the down right ugly. From where I'm sitting right now, the view is not pretty at all.

If change is managed badly it can leave those affected demotivated and resistant. At best they will shut up and productivity will decline; at worst they may leave, taking skills and knowledge with them or they may undermine the change effort. Change is about making the organisation more effective and perhaps more financially efficient. When change is done badly it can become costly so why is it so often done badly by so many organisations? Essay answers please, on the back of a stamp or delivered by carrier pigeon.