Sunday, September 09, 2007

My niece died today. Jessica was pronounced at 12:35pm. She was only eleven years old. There was no miracle. She never regained consciousness as her brain was too damaged. I was able to see her before the ventilator was switched off but part of me wished I hadn't. It was good to get the chance to say goodbye but it wasn't my niece lying there any more. There was no more chattering. My sister is still in shock as she was very close to her daughter, as is her brother. Our whole family is grieving.

Apparently, Jessica wanted a carriage with white horses and a pink coffin for her funeral. She will get it and it has been decided that everyone will wear something that Jessy would approve of, which means bright colours. She was a vibrant child and that is how she will be remembered.

I can't write any more right now. Please see the post below to read a little about her and please understand if I don't do much visiting for a while. Thank you for all your prayers and sympathy.

42 comments:

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh, the image of what she wanted is so deeply touching, my dear...I send you and your family much love in this terrible terrible time...and all the virtual hugs I can, too.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

mar said...

I am so very sorry, I truly have no words for this tragic loss. My heart is aching.
Hugs to you and yours, Bob-kat.

Jennifer said...

My heart is broken for you, Bob-Kat. My daughter is closer to your niece's age...and I can't imagine how much it would have to hurt to lose such a bright sunshine. I feel so sad for your family, who I know misses their little angel terribly *hugs*

Vancouver Voyeur said...

You don't know me. I found you through Old Lady of the Hills' blog. My sister had a heart attack a couple of weeks ago. She's always been like a mother to me and I was so distraught to think I might lose her. She recovered, but just this week, her favorite aunt was killed in a car accident. This aunt was like a mother to her. The next day, an uncle slipped and fell, hit his head and died. I just got off the phone with my sister after discussing all these horrible events coming so close to one another. She said it's really hit home to her that we never know how much time we have, to be with the people we love and let them know it daily. She also said she's going to stop wasting time with things that don't really matter. She then proceeded to share with me all the wonderful, funny things she could remember about her aunt. She said, "that's what important. Enjoy and remember the good. The grieving just wastes time." I hope you can remember all the wonderful, bright, and funny moments your niece brought into your life. Try to do something positive for yourself or others, to keep the great memory of your niece alive.

BreadBox said...

Dear, dear Bob-Kat; we are aching for you in this time of loss, as I am sure you are aching for your sister and brother in law, and for your lost niece.
There are no words now that will help: only time can cover over the wounds with new skin. I hope that the time when you can remember her with great joy will come as soon as possible, and until then, we grieve with you in your loss.

N.

TorAa said...

I'm speachless - filled with sorrow and also anger - how can drivers be so so so - I have no word for it.

It's a terrible loss.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'm in tears. Be sure to tell us when the funeral is so we can wear bright colors and think about this young woman we never got to know.

Hugs from me and the fictional band, babe. Hang in there through this; it sucks, no doubt about it. But you've got friends; lean on us if you need to.

Riley & Tiki said...

More purrs and hugs. We are so sorry.

Maribeth said...

Oh my dear. I share your pain. I truly do. The anguish is great and there will be no consoling of he spirit for some time. Hold each other close. Love each other the best you can and be patient. It will get worse for a while before things slow down and you can catch you breath.
I am sending all of my love and sympathy.
You see, I lost my six year old daughter. It's been 22 years, but not a day passes that I do not think of her or recall the pain.
Know that there are others out there who have gone through what you are now.
A friend in New Hampshire.

Roxie, Sammy and Andy said...

Rest in Peace, Jessica.

Little Miss Muffet said...

I am so so sorry...i would be devastated if something like that happened to my niece...i can totally understand what you're going through..i hope god gives you and her parents strength in this difficult time...lots of love and hugs..

kenju said...

I am so sorry. My granddaughter (of the same name) is also 11. It is terrible to have to deal with this. You take all the time you need, Bob-kat.

the fat lady said...

Bob-kat, for just a moment, suspend disbelief and grief, close your eyes, and imagine the scene in Pearly Gates estates when Jessica made her grand entrance---the charming main street paved with little tufts of puffy clouds--steep-roofed cottages dripping with cotton candy clouds-- the lighting standards sporting "Welcome Jessica" banners---the crowd of well-wishers including Walt Disney himself cheering as her carriage drives by.
I'm sure my beloved white, fluffy cat, Parsifal, was there, eager to provide her with his very own guided tour of the 'hood.

For her, it's a new adventure, a magical wonderland where everything is just perfect.

For us, it's a loss, as we realize our lives have become less without her. So, keep her alive in your heart and in your interaction with others. Always remember her as the ribbons and bright colors girl. Never hesitate to tell a Jessica story, or refer to what she might like. And whenever glasses are being raised in a toast, add her name and smile.

I'm adding her to my "toasting list", and this very week, we will raise our bottles, cups, glasses, whatever(lol) to her at the "Pink Martini" concert at the Hollywood Bowl. They say the acoustics are so good, our well-wishes can be heard all the way to Pearly Gates
Estates.

Lyn M. said...

Dear BobKat, Naomi sent me here tonight. I'm so very touched and saddened by what I just read and my heart aches for her mother and all your family. Stay close to each other and may God be with you during these days and always.

shoeaddict said...

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarch said...

BK my heart is saddened for you and your niece's family. It's is just so hard to understand.
There is a lot of love out here for you and the rest of your family as they grieve.
You'll all be on our minds and in our prayers.

WendyWings said...

I am sorry doesn't seem to be enough but really what more can one say to someone who has suffered such a tragic loss. I lost a cousin when he was 8 after he got hit by a car,the shock stayed with his parents for a very long time. I wish you all healing :(

MissMeliss said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, and, like mar, I don't have words that begin to express it.

You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Just checking in to tell you that you are in my thoughts, my dear...I hope you hot a little bit of sleep...More hugs coming your way from across the pond, dear Bob-Kat...(((((((HUGS)))))))

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

That should have read "GOT" a little sleep....
I LOVED what 'the fat lady' said, dear B-K....And she is so right...Do take cre, my dear and hug your family with all your heart....They are all in our thoughts and prayers and in our hearts....!

Gattina said...

I was informed of this terrible accident on Mar's blog. I think no words can help you right now. I am deeply touched although I don't know you very well. But the fact that a crazy car driver killed a little girl just makes me shiver.
I hope your grieve will not be too long always try to remember the nice times you spend with her ! It is the souvenir of her alive which will help you. Virtual hugs from a Blogfriend.

Ugly Debty said...

I'm very, very, very sorry for your loss.

Deana said...

I love my little niece and nephews so much that I just cannot imagine what you and your sister and family is going through. I just cried when I read your post below. This is one of those times when I just can't understand the greater picture. I am so so sorry and you all will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Ps said...

I am shocked..I am so so so sorry.
Hugs bob-kat.
Sincere prayers too.

Linda said...

As I cry real tears for your and your family and this impossible loss, know that my prayers and thoughts are with you. One can never fully heal from the loss of a child. God be with you all.

utenzi said...

I'm so sorry, BK. Just 11 years old. That is tragic. For her unlived life and for all her relatives and friends that will miss her forever.

Sim said...

Oh my Bob-Kat - I am so very very sorry. I can only glimpse a little of your pain. Fat lady is right - imagine her at her best - laughing as she played, giving you the best answers to any question that could be asked as only the young can and more than that, remember her smile. Then think of how welcomed she will be at the gates of heaven surrounded by family who have gone on before her, how she'll remember you all and look down on you to bless you each day. Every moment there's a beam of sunlight that lands on you all, it's her looking in and holding onto those who love her tight.

You're all in my thoughts and prayers *hugs*

Frankie Dolan said...

So terrible, so sad. My daughter is the same age - can't imagine how I could cope with the same. My heart goes out to you all. One more angel in Heaven.

moon said...

Words are hard to find. I can only say how sorry I am for your loss...my heart goes out to you and your family. Life is so fragile and seems so unfair at times like this. All we as blog readers can do is send you our prayers....Know that many of us empathize and feel heartbroken for you ...if that somehow lends some sort of strenght to get through some of the very difficult moments...it's all we can hope for.

rashbre said...

So, so sad. I have no words for this terrible loss.

nora said...

I am so sorry...I cannot imagine how awful this must be. I love that her wishes are being carried out.

Scarlet said...

You don't know me, but your last two posts touched me and saddened me and leave me with very little words. I am terribly sorry for your loss and I will keep you in my thoughts tonight when I try to pray again. I send big cyber hugs to you and your family. I have an 11-yr. old daughter and I cannot imagine this kind of pain. My heart goes out to you, all of you.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Dear dear Bob-Kat....Just checking in to say, you are in my thoughts and in my heart...You and your family...Hold onto each other through this very tender and painful time....(((((((HUGS))))))

Star said...

Dear bob-kat. I know that my condolences are very inadequate, but I offer them anyway. I lost my daughter suddenly in Dec.SHe was 33, three times older than your neice, but still I feel your pain, and that of your sister.All I can say is hang in there.
Michele sent me. I'll check back on you later.

Melody said...

I'm crying BK. All I can do is think of you and your family at this time. What a tragedy. I'm so sorry... (((((HUGS))))) What a terrible, terrible loss...

gautami tripathy said...

My heart goes out for your sister and you. A child's death is so hard to take.

May God give you all, the strength to
bear this great loss.

Terri said...

My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your entire family.
Such a senseless accident and so terribly sad. I have 7 grandchildren and worry constantly about these things we have no control over.

carli said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Madseason said...

Dear Bob-kat - I can't imagine how hurt, angry and confused you and your family must be. She sounds like an amazing child! I'm with the Fat Lady... You think she had exhausting energy here?? Can you imagine all the hosts of Heaven trying to keep up with her now?!?!?

Prayers for peace and strength for you and your family in the days ahead...

Ms Mac said...

I'm really very sorry that you've lost your niece. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

ktjrdn said...

Beckie sent me.

I'm so sorry. I know that's not going to change anything for you, but I'm thinking of you

KikiMiss said...

I'm so sorry and saddened by your loss. I don't know you but was directed here from Melody's (biglittlesister). Please know so many of us are keeping you and your family in our thoughts. This is such a tragedy and I'm crying in pain for you. Smile and chatter away for her daily, she would have wanted you to.