Thursday, May 24, 2007


This is just typical. I have not been feeling at all well for the past few days so I went to the doctor. I have been feeling quite fuzzy, with dizzy spells and getting frequent headaches. The doc says that I am stressed which was a bit of a surprise. Apparently I am so good at coping that I'm fine until I'm not, if that makes any sense. Oops. I am very good at bottling things up and getting on with life and supporting others but it seems that I've been neglecting myself.

The doc wanted to know what was going on in my life at the moment. As you know, I have been extremely worried about my mother but as ever it's not one thing but an accumulation over time. I have recently changed job, and also I have had a hard time with my studying after my books and work were stolen with my laptop (impacting on my essay deadline and revision for my exam). I don't write much about it but I am also getting divorced and I've been handling the separation myself.

I underwent a traumatic separation from my husband and he is pushing for a quick divorce as his girlfriend does not want him married to me anymore. I don't want to get into details but this woman has been a constant thorn in my side. Don't get me wrong, I certainly do not want to stay married to him but I needed time to assimilate all that happened before progressing. I have found it hard to cope with two things. First that I have failed at something that my life once revolved around and second that someone who I once trusted with my life could behave so awfully at times.

So, I have been thinking. I need closure so now
I want the divorce quickly. I also want him to come and remove the rest of his stuff that he has left here despite constantly being asked to shift it. I also want him to stop using this postal address as I am receiving his mail. The doc said to think about things I could change to reduce the stress in my life so this would be a good place to start. I'm having a couple of days off work. My mother is doing well, all things considered and I will visit her again soon (though I will need to be driven as a fuzzy head is not best for driving). Then I am going to take charge of things and make a few changes and start looking after myself better.


Riley & Tiki said...

Get a good lawyer.


R. Sherman said...

The selfishness of some is breathtaking. I would suggest giving him a time limit and then selling the stuff at a yard sale if it's not gone. Then, take the money and head to Tenerife and get your groove back.


Little Miss Muffet said...

hope things get better with both u and ur mother..i can only imagine the various things u are battling with at the own struggles seem tiny in comparison..

diyadear said...

Bob kat,
just think it all happened for the gud n move on. ur young talented n fun loving.. i know the times it all feels soo choking n hard to bear.. but as u n me know it will pass..i'm glad ur mom is gettin better.. soon all other things will too.. i dont know if im saying a bit too much.but my policy has always been. if there is sumthing u cant get, or sumthing u've lost, dont cry over it. just think that he/she didnt deserve u.. ur much more worthier than that.. :)

mar said...

You are certainly dealing with many stressful issues right now...Take good care of yourself and look at the bright side of life ( I think I should whistle at this point...)
Wishing you all the best.

Ps said...

good luck Bob-kat.
Sometimes, we just get so blinded by the security of love that we fail to see what the person really is.We get carried away.It is indeed difficult--and more so because, in retrospect, one wonders how one could be such a fool.
but like they say "If it doesnt kill you, it makes you stronger"
Lots of positive thoughts are being sent your way.

craziequeen said...

oh sweetie......I've just popped in to see the bad, but improving, news about your mum. I'm keeping her and your dad in my thoughts.

Oodles of hugs, my dearest girl.

Anything, anything - just call.


David said...

So sorry to hear that.
Praying for you and your mom.
God be with you both.
some men are jerks!

JAM said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I will be praying for you. I hope you can find some nice ways to cope, walks, talking with a close friend, etc.

Shephard said...

Wow, you've had quite a week. I always admire how you seem to roll with it, strap your head back on soundly, and move forward with a positive perspective. Inspiring. Holding good thoughts for your mom.


kenju said...

Bob-kat, it is a wonder to me that you are still able to walk and talk. If I were you, I would hold up the divorce until he has met your demands (all the things you mentioned - like changing his postal address, and getting his stuff out of your house). I*'d bet he'd do it quickly if those conditions were put out there.

I've been praying for your mom, and I think I should add you to my list as well.

Melody said...

You go girl! Yes, put yourself first for a change. Sometimes we don't realise everything we are taking on until we begin to feel rundown... Keep well and hoping your mum is on the mend... (and yes, get that divorce!)

utenzi said...

Men are just too much trouble. I never have anything to do with them. :-)

I hope once you get that marriage finished off that your stress levels improve, B-K.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh My Dear Bob-Kat...You have had and still do have a tremendous amount of strees in your life, especially recently. The robbery alone and the loss of such important things---that alone is stress beyond stress! Add to that your seperation...Heavy Duty Stress....and then your Mum being sick....OY! I hope you begin taking care of yourself Right Now! I know that if you don't take real care of yourself you cannot really be there for anyone else...It's like you are running on funes, you know? You need to put some gas in YOUR tank...if you will forgive the rather bad metaphor...(LOL)...But please, my dear, pamper yourself...HUG YOURSELF...It will help to put you on the road to recovery and having the strength to make the changes you want to make.
Okay: Lecture Over....
But do take good care of yourself...please!

craziequeen said...

I'm with david - some men are total jerks....

Babygirl - we must have a night out soon.......real soon...I see a Depp in our future!

Michele sent me to check up on you this time, babes.


Ramona said...

You DO have a lot of stuff going on in your wonder your head is fuzzy.
I am terribly sorry to hear that your marriage is over, would you believe that you are now the 4th friend in the last 2 months who is going through this? What is wrong with men?
Stay Strong, this too shall pass.
Glad to hear that your mom is a little better...

PI said...

My goodness Bob-kat I'm not surprised you are stressed. The sooner you get that husband and all his paraphanalia out of your life the better. You are right not to drive I know how dangerous strong emotion can be when you are at the wheel. Hope your mother continues to improve and that life gets better and better for you. Meanwhile take it easy and be kind to yourself and remember 'this too will pass'.
It's so long since I visited Michele I forgot to come this morning and then couldn't (Type pad ) thIs afternoon. Better late than never !

Fizzy said...

What a stressful time you are having, I am so sorry. Listen to your doc's advice.

I have had to put a password thingmebob on my blog if you send me an e-mail address, I can send you an invite. (

craziequeen said...

Just nipped in to see how you are, hon.

Hope your mum is still improving [crosses fingers]

Having a nice relaxing weekend with M, I hope? :-)


Biff Spiffy said...

Holy carp, I stay away a cuppa days and find out that your life is in a blender.

So sorry! Yes, I'd say your doc has it right. At some point you have to feel this stuff, and if you don't feel it right out in the open, it leaks out all over your life.

Sorry about the husband. Do stand up for you. And prayers for your mom, hope she is well soon.

srp said...

Yes, get a very good lawyer. Having been through this and with a child, I should have been more hard nosed about the whole thing. If he cheats once he will do so again and his "girlfriend" better watch her back.

You don't need him!

Sarch said...

I somehow let this post get by me. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of issues but are on the right track.

Hang in there and know there are a lot of people praying and sending positive vibes your way.