Somewhere between a rock and a hard place.

I went back to the doctor today. My lump in my neck has got bigger over the last 2-3 weeks and is now easily noticeable. I'm starting to think I should name it or something. Perhaps Hector? Yes, Horrible Hector. Humongous Hector! Hector the unwelcome.

My doctor decided he isn't happy with Hector, (join the club says I), so I am being referred to a thyroid specialist. Urgently and this time they mean urgent as in 'next week'. That's pretty darn quick for our Health System. 'Urgency' can be roughly translated to 'seriousness' so alarm bells start ringing in the back of my head. Before they can drive me nuts I ask the doctor questions:

'What happens next?'
- I will get an appointment and be seen very soon by a specialist. It is likely I will need a biopsy and a scan but the specialist will decide when he sees me.
'What is it likely to be?
- Can't tell until the test are done, but it's most likely a cyst. However, it could be something serious.

Gulp. Serious?

Apparently the odds are very much in favour of the cyst option and given the choice so am I. It's not nice and is likely to need either fine needle aspiration or surgery but it's the best outcome and most likely. So it looks like I have an appointment with a man or woman with a penchant for plunging needles in people's necks. Not an attractive option but better than the something serious. Do I really have to be there though?

I'm currently trying not to think about it. Any of it. I hate anything medical and hospitals fill me with dread. On the other hand I hate Hector. I can feel him there now, like an unwelcome guest. I also hate not knowing so hopefully by the end of next week I'll have some more positive news and Hector's days will be numbered.

Running

I have been researching treadmills. It's high time I took charge of my fitness again. I used to go to the gym regularly but cash flow issues post divorce and time with my work over the past year or so have made regular gym visits a thing of the past. So I have been rethinking how I will keep fit. In my gym-going days I used to dedicate blocks of time of 1-2 hours at a time to exercise. This simply isn't a feasible option for me any more and so I need to be more flexible in my approach to getting and keeping fit.

Enter the treadmill idea. I already have an exercise bike which I use, some weights, a balance ball and exercise mat and a punch bag which is sadly slumped in a corner. With a treadmill this is enough for a small home gym. A home gym means I can fit in small blocks of exercise more regularly. Just 20-30 mins a day is better than nothing. I feel that this is more important than ever with my current health problems and so now I just have to identify the right treadmill at the right price! let's face it, if a prawn can do it, then so can I! :D

Autumn Verse

Photo from the internet

It happened so quickly this year
Overnight it seemed

All was laid bare
Where once a verdant carpet
Covered the sky
Suddenly a fire

Swept that lofty meadow
And Oh! What a blaze!
Hues of amber, gold and crimson
Filled the sky
Leaping up and flaming high
Bright as jewels
Then, in the blink of the eye
The wind blowed

The fire was out
Leaving the sky a steely grey
Skeletal arms

Reach for the heavens
Trying to hold
Onto what once was.

Remember

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning.
We will remember them. - Laurence Binyon

Today, 11th November is Armistice Day. It is the time when we remember those that have given their lives in all wars so that we may enjoy the freedoms we have. We remember their sacrifice through two minutes silence on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.

Armistice Day commemorates the armistice signed between the Allies and Germany at Rethondes in France for the cessation of hostilities on the Western Front which took effect at eleven o'clock in the morning and hence why we use this time to put aside two minutes to remember.I come from a family with a military heritage and so I get quite angry when people do not show this small act of respect. It saddened me a few years ago when I was at a shopping mall and the two minutes silence was underway when a gaggle of teenagers burst out of a shop and said “Why has everyone stopped?” quite loudly. I was saddened that they had to ask. It highlighted a massive hole in education which I do not believe has been addressed.

I think everyone is more enlightened these days though, due to the conflicts in the Middle East where we get far too regular reports of another life given in service of their country. It is heartening that people are once again honouring the military on their return from conflict with parades. Surely this, and two minutes silence once a year is the least we can do?

Feeling Like Rocky

“Life hits harder than any man can, and one's ability to keep getting up until the final bell rings is the true measure of self.” ~ Rocky Balboa

A cheesy quote? Perhaps, but it hits home for me at the moment (no pun intended). Work continues to keep me busy, as does the everyday niff naff and trivia that surfaces. As ever I have had little time for blogging lately but this week or so I have not felt like it much. It’s not that I have nothing to say, but that I haven’t got the energy or inclination to discuss it. I’m pre-occupied I’m afraid.

I found a sizeable lump in my neck. At first I thought it was a swollen thyroid as I have been feeling tired as well as having a few other symptoms that match this kind of problem. So I went to the doctors. He immediately ordered blood tests and an urgent scan (which I have to wait 5-6 weeks for before a diagnosis can be made). I did not like the use of the word ‘urgent’. Apparently it’s most likely a cyst that is having an adverse affect on my health but (and here is where the doctor became tight lipped) it might not be. I’m trying not to think about it but at the back of my mind is the nagging little thought…’what if it is something else?’ Mind you, if it is a cyst it’s not exactly a barrel of laughs as the treatment involves medication to control my thyroxine levels and possible a fine needle biopsy, and drain or surgery to remove it, depending on what is revealed by the scan.

I can’t help but feel a bit picked on as it seems as if I just overcome one thing to be faced with another challenge. I know that railing at the universe and shouting at windmills solves nothing but its all part of the process. For now I am resigned to waiting. I don’t like not knowing.