Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Let's Pretend

"I keep thinking I'm a grown up, but I'm not"
~ Victoria Tennant as Sara McDowell in LA Story

Do you ever feel like a big kid in an adult world and wonder how long it will be before you are 'found out'? I find myself feeling this way at work sometimes. I feel like I am playing 'let's pretend I'm a business woman', like a kid in her mothers wardrobe the shoes I am wearing are much too big so I am in fact clumping around. I have been dealing with some pretty important big things at work that my boss (who is 2 grades higher than me) would normally deal with but as he is off ill it has come down to me. So far my secret is safe though. I might even be doing good work.

It is strange though. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I have my own house which I run myself. I earn money, I manage my own budget and pay bills, vote and feed and clothe myself. Inside though there is a big kid who has a big sense of mischief and who enjoys to play. I think the child inside me is a little frustrated at the moment though. All work and too little play.
I have been super busy (no change there) so I haven't been around much. Here is a quick run down:
  • I am tired! The pre-Easter rush to get things completed has had me working long hours.
  • My boss is still off sick so there is so much to do.
  • Work politics are still rife. 'Alpha Male' is still trying to take advantage of my boss being off ill to undermine my work so he can grab the resources.
  • I did score a small victory against him recently though. I am not the push over he thought I was but it is still stressful dealing with this rubbish.
  • My home is a mess as I have had precious little time to tidy and clean.
  • I am normally a fastidious person so having a messy home has added to the stress.
  • I have been suffering from migraines lately. I have had at three in the last couple of weeks.
  • The upside is that I now get 5 days off in a row. Bliss!
  • I am not even going to think about work.
  • Good news - I passed my MBA project! How on earth did I manage that?
  • Yay for me. Now I have one open book examinable essay left to do.
  • The light is at the end of the tunnel and it is NOT a train!
I am now looking forward to a few days off. I will have to do some work on my Masters essay and I will be cleaning the house but I also intend to indulge in something I have precious little time for these days. Myself.

Pics of the big cats from my visit to the Wildlife Park coming soon.


Linda said...

Congrats on passing! As my husband says, "another egg eaten". He looks at each challenge he faces with his schooling as a bucket of hard-boiled eggs. Each completed task is one egg less in the bucket, so to speak!

Little Miss Muffet said...

good luck on completing your MBA! and enjoy your well deserved holiday :)

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Yeah, I feel like a kid at times, too. I don't know if we young souls ever outgrow that feeling. All we can do is manage it.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

CONGRATULATIONS, Dear B-K! YOu PASSED!!!! I knew you would---I never doubted it for one moment.

I'm happy for you that you have some time off, my dear...I know you are looking forward to this and I hope you have a LOT of fun!

I know that feeling that you speak of---the little kid who will be found out....LOL....And here is the kicker on that....It never completely goes away. Even at my advanced age---there are times I am sure I will be found out! But I will bet you that everyone else there on that job feels the same way at times...!

Have a Lovely Easter, my dear....It will be very quiet here...And that is fine with me.

kenju said...

HOORAY for Bob-Kat! I can't believe you wainted until the end to tell us! I knew you'd pass. Congratulations.

Carmi said...

I am so thrilled for all your success - and hope that the coming days of quiet will allow you to rest and recover. You deserve only good things.

You raise a really good question, one that I, too, ask myself every day of my life. In some respects, despite all my own responsibilities, I haven't lost touch with the little kid who said "wow" every time he saw something new or neat.

I only hope my own kids never lose that sense of wide-eyed innocence. Otherwise, they risk forgetting how to truly live.

Sarch said...

BK you HAVE been busy! You go girl! I'm proud of what you are accomplishing. Workworld - political shinanigans - school. You should be proud of yourself.

Five days off will be great. Good for you. Don't forget to enjoy yourself.

By the way I know exactly what you mean about the world around you eventually figuring out that realy your just a kid in grown ups clothing. I keep expecting that myself. Heck, maybe the people around me already know it and I just don't realize it :)

Gwynne said...

I have moments like that all the time, like I am living a complete lie, like when they discover who the real me is I'll be kicked to the curb. The other day, I caught myself thinking the same thing about being a step-mother for 17 years, like I managed to sneak past the people who do the interviews to see if you're qualified to be a's weird. My inner kid is very pent up also.

Congratulations on the MBA project! We knew you could do it. :-)

Melody said...

Relax... It sounds as if you deserve it B-K... And eat as much chocolate as you like without feeling guilty. you deserve that too.

Nikki-ann said...

Enjoy your time off work, you certainly deserve it!

Happy Easter :)

oranginadreams said...

I still feel too young sometimes. I guess that's why I keep putting off having children when I still feel like a child myself.
But you seem pretty "grown up" to me. A house, a good job and an MBA on the way. That's no small potatoes. Congrats!
PS Michele sent me

rashbre said...

Yay for the exams. Well done.

Funnily enough I just did one of those superficial surface tidy ups to make the place lookmor presentable. I know I've just shovelled papers into a bag to then 'process' but its surprising how much of a difference it makes.

And you are right playtime is important alongside everything else.

Happy Easter and don't forget to search for the hidden easter eggs.


gautami tripathy said...

Congrats for that MBA project! And I feel like a kid all the time! That's becos I live with my mom!


Michele sent me here!

panthergirl said...

Congratulations! I loved your "light at the end of the tunnel" comment.

I feel your pain re: work... but I don't blog about it for fear of the "dooced" outcome (being fired for blogging about work).

Sorry about the migraines...they are no fun.

Glad to be visiting from Michele's... enjoy your Easter!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Dear B-K, I hope you are having a Lovely Blessed Easter Sunday...!
And a wee bit of Chocolate to warm the heart.(lol)

R. Sherman said...

I just returned and am making the rounds.

Congrats on the MBA; take a well-deserved break and have a joyous Easter, my friend.


HRH Courtney, Queen of Everything said...

Enjoy the time to yourself. It's always good to recharge when you're having stress.
Michele sent me.

Leigh in Atlanta said...

yay for being young enough to get away with it. lol

michele sent me

pink dogwood said...

I was just reading your post and I couldn't believe that I found another person who feels like me (big kid in an adult world :))

About your migraines - have you ever tried lavendar aromatherapy pillows? I ordered some online and they did work on my sinus headaches. The instructions that came with it also said that it helps with migraines. They are basically little satin eye pillows with flax seeds and dried lavendar flowers inside.

Congratulations on completing your project.