Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Feeling doggy

This isn't a real post. It's more of a place marker.

I am feeling very low lately. I'm in a kind of fugue and I can't seem to shake it. I am not enjoying the work situation and my family have done a sterling job of making me feel crappy. In August I was excluded from my nephews 18th birthday barbeque a couple of weeks ago and my (oldest) brother's family birthday tea last weekend. My mother is always sure to tell me about them though, and if I try to discuss how hurt I am feeling she simply changes the subject in the middle of my sentence. Needless to say, my other (youngest) brother is involved in all this and so the family that didn't want to know, and wouldn't take sides have effectively taken sides. Apparently it is okay to send abusive text messages to your sister and then expect an apology from her. Who knew?

I can't seem to keep on top of anything, chores are getting away from me and my health has not been good.

I might very well delete this post as I might decide I sound too self indulgent later and I hate it when I sound like that. I cannot stand sounding whingy. I know I need to pull myself together and 'get over it' or whatever. It just isn't easy. I will be by to visit when I can, but otherwise I hope you forgive my absence. Like Winston Churchill, I have a black dog on my shoulder to shake.

21 comments:

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Oh, hon....

bodaat said...

i'm sorry that you're not in a good space right now. i can imagine how hurtful it must be to be left out of family events. that doesn't seem right. i hope that you get through this rough patch and keep focused on the pot of gold.

kenju said...

I am so sorry about all that, but I ask you not to get too depressed about your family. It sounds as if the fault lies in them - not in you.It's their loss.

Mar said...

Always remember that you are special and that you deserve the best. You didn't choose your family...don't let them hurt you...focus your energy on positive thoughts.
((Hugs))

R. Sherman said...

Hang in there, kiddo. I send good thoughts across the pond your way.

Cheers.

Linda said...

Ah...would that I lived in England; I'd adopt you as my sister. You'd do a bang up job. I have adopted many women as my sisters and we have better bonds than some of them have with "real" siblings.

I have a "sister" whose family treats her exactly the same way...only one of her siblings called her out on a blog. Can't even imagine being slandered in cyberspace. By name. the entire name...first and last.

So, as I reach across the pond with ultra-long arms, here's a virtual hug to you. You can be my sister any time.

Gwynne said...

I'm sorry you are feeling so blue...I pray for some emotional sunshine to come your way soon!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I understand my dear..In some ways I am struggling with the "lows" myself...for different reasons.

I am so sorry that your family hurts you so much. I know that has to be extremly debilitatingly depressing! And the job sounds like it has really 'gone south', as they say...I'm sorry about that too, dear B-K. I hope that you begin to see some light at the end of this long long tunnel....
I send you Big Big Hugs!
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Dianne said...

it's not self indulgent to feel hurt
and it is very genuine and brave to be able to express it openly

I have been posting kitties and baby and lots of photo blog but I haven't told the real story about anything lately

don't get over it, live in one moment at a time, breathe thru it, play with the kitties and try feeling how it would be to let it go

hugs

Anonymous said...

That's why we blog to cleanse our minds and others listen or is it read whatever I'm wishing you a better moment.

Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com

Anonymous said...

" Whenever God closes a door, he always opens another, although sometimes its hell in the hallway" You might need help to get out of the hallway- there is no shame in that. We all need help sometime. I would love to have you as a relative. Judy Black

Aisha said...

I think its when we feel lowest that we find out who our friends are--and it looks like you have lots of friends based on the comments and sympathy I see here.

Your family can hurt you in ways no one else can, and that's a terrible, terrible thing.

I send you warmth and hope, and wish for brighter days ahead for you.

But I don't think you should delete your post--honor your feelings. And when you feel low again, read all the comments from your virtual family, and feel better.

JC

Aisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aisha said...

Er, "it's," not "its."

rashbre said...

Sometimes there's too many things all at once. You'll get through it, but think of ways to break the loop.

I listen to depressing music when I don't feel good. It cheers me up.

rashbre said...

& great artwork...

Bob-kat said...

Thank you all. Your kind words mean a lot and I appreciate them more than you can imagine.

Rashbre - If only I had the National Gallery nearby!

I have made a list of things I don't like and I am working out what I can change and how I can change it and how to live with the rest. Bit like the serenity prayer.

Ramona said...

Uh-oh. Sorry things are so grim with your family and work. Remember that this is a good place to vent and you have people who are interested in you and care how you feel.
Don't delete this post...it's a good way to reflect later.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Hi My Dear B-K,
Just checking in to see how you are doing...I hope you are feeling a little bit better, dear....Do take good care and know there are many of us out in Blogland who care and send you Big Hugs!
((((((((HUGS))))))))

Nikki-ann said...

I think it's sometimes good to write these things down, I think it makes it easier to make sense of them. I hope things turn around for you soon.

Take care :)

Niall young said...

The Black dog is no stranger to my door step either. It feels hopeless and there is nothing that seems to attract one's enthusiam..speaking about it here is good...look at all the lovely kind things people have said..and I add my concern..

By the way..I have mentioned you countless times this weekend at my exhibition...Ball Of Wool is one of my most popular pictures, people love it's message and the origin of it's creation!