Sailing on the friendship

I have spent a lot of time sat at my desk in front of my computer while I have been doing my MBA project. This of course is a totally different desk and computer to the one I spend the rest of my waking time at which is at work. On my study desk I have a little calendar which was given to my for Christmas by my friend CrazieQueen. It is one of those page a day calendars and apart from telling me what day it is, and which month it is (very important stuff) it also imparts a little thought about friendship in a pretty little floral way. Sometimes these quotes or sayings are philosophical, some are deep and meaningful while others are humorous, but all of them ring true in some way. I thought I would share a few of them with you:

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad
~Arnold H. Glasgow

Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend.
~Charles H. Spurgeon

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.
~ Plutarch

When friends ask, there is no tomorrow.
~ Proverb

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world
~ Lois Wyse

Constant use will not wear ragged the fabric of friendship
~ Dorothy Parker

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives
~ Euripides

I haven't got a huge circle of friends. I tend not to keep associates but would much rather have a few good friends. The sort that are there to enjoy the fun and frolics of the fair weather but also the rough sailing too. My life has been so out of kilter that I have not been able to indulge in my friends as much as I would like to, but I know they are there. And when I get this MBA project out of the way, and then the final essay I can start to return some sort of balance to my life and see my friends again.

I won't be around much for the next few days, due to work and study pressures, but as with my other friends, I will be back to socialise here too very soon.

I've got soul but I'm not a soldier

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappointment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I came across this quiz while having a break from my studies. Some of the things it says are quite true of me but not everything, but then it's only a bit of fun. It is true I think too much though. For example, the project I am currently writing for my MBA could be done much more quickly if I would just type rather than analysing it so much. But that is not the kind of person I am. I am definitely a think twice and type once kind of person.

However, I am not sure about the image of me as a gentle soul. I think I have a steely edge too but that just balances the soft part out and protects it. What I want to know is what is a 'Bright Star Soul' or a 'Dreaming Soul'? So, what kind of soul are you?

Words by music

I am up to my ears in study at the moment. I am coming to the end of my MBA and all that stands between me and getting my life back is 8500 words, 49 days and 2 written assignments. Unfortunately 6000 of these words have to be done within the next 10 days. On top of work. It stands in front of me as if I was stood in front of the Hoover Dam looking up. I am having a little trouble with this one for a number of reasons. It seems insurmountable and yet, word by word, paragraph by paragraph the assignment appears on the screen.

This will not be my best piece of work. Events at work and in my personal life have ensured that, but I will hand something in and I will pass. I have no choice having come this far. Like the sign I wrote to myself and hung on my wall where I can read it says: "I am NOT stupid. I CAN do this".

I often listen to music while I work. One of the CDs I am currently playing is by Sophie Zelmani. Very underrated outside her native country of Sweden, she is a superb singer songwriter who's songs have an unpolished feel which I like. I have linked to her official website (click on her name) but I thought I would share this video with you. It's a gorgeous song, somehow melancholy and joyful all at once and the video is good too. I just love the symbolism of the red runner as a journey. Or at least that is how I see it. I hope you enjoy it.

A question of beauty

No man is an island. I remember hearing this phrase when I was young and not really understanding what was meant by it. Now of course, I am older and more experienced, if not necessarily wiser and I know all too well what it means. We can pretend that we don't care what others think of us, (and in some cases of course we shouldn't), but in the end we are creatures of society and the feedback we get from others help form our view of ourselves throughout our lives. The trick, of course, is learning who to listen to and who to ignore. Somehow, as Julia Roberts character in 'Pretty Woman' says, it's easier to believe the bad things.

Learning to take a compliment with grace and believing it to be true was one of the hardest things for me to learn, especially when it was out of sync with what I believed to be true, with what I had learnt to be true from the feedback I had received. Growing up, I was considered a 'homely' child, a plain Jane and was often called an ugly duckling. I wore ugly national health service glasses. My mother cut my mousy hair short and I was always an unconventional child. Meanwhile my sister, had long flowing golden hair which was admired by all and I was always unfavourably compared with her.

I carried this self image around for many years and it took a long time to change it. Stopping reading womens magazines was a big help as these were images of women who I could never hope to emulate. It may sound stupid but it took me a long time to cotton onto the fact that these women spent hours having professional make-up and hair done and then were favourably lit and photographed and then touched up as well! Well, duh! Have you ever seen a super model without this treatment. She looks human doesn't she? I haven't really read a womans magazine for years. I consider them to be a mezzanine in Dante's Inferno.

Everyone has things about themselves that they would like to change. Some resort to surgery, others learn to live with their flaws. It depends on the person, it depends on the flaw I guess. I have learned to also focus on the things I like about myself. I have nice eyes, I think. An interesting green colour with flecks of hazel and grey around the pupil. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe this. So go and take a look in the mirror :)

Still far to go...

This morning I made my cup of tea and switched the TV on while I had breakfast. The grey pool of the screen came to life with colours and I was poised to turn over to the news channel when something stilled my finger mid press. It was not a program I would normally watch but I was riveted all the same. As I watched, my early Sunday morning fugue became infused with disbelief and then anger. What caused this heightened emotional state? Well, a program following the everyday goings on at an airport of course.

Now I usually avoid these programs like the plague as I usually end up getting annoyed by them. I get annoyed sometimes by the jobs-worth people following process rather than applying customer service but mostly I get annoyed at idiot passengers who are trying to take too much luggage on and then get shirty, or forget their passports or something and get shirty as the airline won't hold the flight, just for them. (My views on customer service and bad customers are a whole other topic!).

No, this time I was angry as there was a qualified pilot on the show and she was executing some training flights. Note please the use of the words "she" and "her". Now let me share with you two pieces of the program:

First the Captain who was to supervise her gave his opinion saying that there weren't many women commercial pilots but the ones he had come across "had to be at least as good as the men and in fact were often better". The Captain seems to be a fair minded chap eager for his protégé to do well, but let's examine that sentence: the women have to be at least as good as the men. The phrase is intrinsically sexist and I don't mean that the Captain is a sexist man, rather it is the reality of the situation. A commercial pilot is traditionally a 'male' job so the rhetoric applied is from this perspective. It still annoys me that women are singled out as special or different but this will be the case until the status quo is addressed.

Meanwhile, let's not detract from her achievement. I know what it is like to work in a male dominated profession. I worked as a theatrical technician for years and was the only woman backstage until the dressers joined for the shows. I did have to be better than the men around me, I did have to work harder and I was still not treated as an equal. I was not given the same training opportunities as the men unless I pushed hard for it and I was not given the choice jobs that attracted premium pay (theatre work is often casual or short term contract). Lets be clear, it was definitely not because the men were better than me. I know because time and again I was singled out as being good and given difficult cues by visiting crew and when I left this particular theatre the theatre production manager came and presented me with a bottle of champagne which was unheard of.

Back to the TV program. Having singled a woman pilot out as a novelty, the interviewer then proceeded to tell some of the passengers about her. Predictably, the majority of the men voiced concerns about 'women drivers' (because we all know what perfect drivers ALL men are and how well qualified they are to make their critique). In particular two men, said that had they known, they would not have got onto the plane. Now thankfully, these particular individuals are not ever going to be CEOs of FTSE 100 companies, but this attitude is prevalent and women have to put up with it every day in greater or lesser ways.

My last post was humorous. It is hard to think that within living memory, women were thought of as being not good enough to handle a job when they were clearly juggling running a home and raising a family as well as looking after a husband. The point of view that women are inferior in any way is a bigoted and narrow minded point of view. Let's be completely clear about this. I am not a feminist, I am not some sort of lesbian either for having these views (I have been accused of this!!!), I simply want an equal opportunity in life and want people to see beyond the bumps in my T-shirt to what I am able to do and what I can achieve.

Someone commented on my last post that part of the problem is a lack of female interest in traditional male professions. My answer is simply this: when you are a woman, society and school unconsciously push you towards traditionally female roles. If you think I am wrong just look at the toys that are made for girls and for boys. Notice the difference? If you dare to push the boundaries you are in for a difficult time. For a start you have to be at least as good as the men. I disagree, in my experience you have to be better than your male counterparts to be seen as being at least as good. We have come a long way as society since the article in my last post was published, but we still have far to go.

(Please note that I do not just believe men are responsible for this trend. Women are equally responsible, at least in that respect we are equal. Also, as ever these are my views which are of course coloured by my own experiences).