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Last Friday I was sitting in front of the computer editing some photographs when all of a sudden someone ran up behind me and smacked me on the forehead with a big hammer. Blam! At least that was what it felt like. On the right, just above the eye. Bugger. Sudden onset migraine with none of the usual warning signs.
I've been a migraine sufferer since I was a teenager and over that time I have learned what triggers them for me, how to cope and what helps me best. In short I know what to do. I usually suffer with common migraines with just the head pain, nausea and photo and aural sensitivity. They usually last around 24-48 hours and then I am left with a post migraine fog for a couple of days where I find it difficult to function properly - I can't think straight, I find it harder than usual to find words and get words mixed up easily. Most of all it leaves me tired and washed out. I could sleep for a week. However, sometimes I have a persistent migraine that lasts from three to seven days or so, known as status migraines. This one has turned out to be such a one. Six days and counting. The pain is not so bad right now but is getting worse (again). My eyes ache and I have the brightness on the screen turned right down. It's getting me down as I cannot keep on with my exercise while I feel so awful and washed out. And thank goodness for spell check. Migraines are not just 'bad headaches' they are a painful condition which means you cannot function properly. I cannot wait for this one to leave so I can resume my life again.
There comes a point when enough is enough. I have been at that point for some time. Somewhat like a saucepan of milk approaching the boil and it is time to take action before the stove top needs a damn good scrub. No-one likes burnt on milk and you wouldn't want me to reach boiling point. Think Godzilla on the rampage in a large city. Not pretty.
So, time for action. It's not going to be easy but I want my body back. I want to feel good again. Hell, right now I would settle for alert and energetic. I want to fit back into some of my own clothes which are taking up cupboard space but I can't bring to throw away as what I am now, is not me. I am sick of wearing whatever I can find that fits and want to wear clothes that I like again.
Most of all, I want to reclaim my self confidence. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you get messages all the time about how worthless you are judged to be by your peers. It's sad but true, when you are overweight people assume that it's because you have no self discipline. After all, if you didn't just sit on your huge behind and eat chips, doughnuts and chocolate all the time you'd be thin right? If only it was that simple. For a start if is hard to fit in exercise when you do a demanding desk job and are grappling with a fledgling proto-business on the side. And that is before you factor in chores. The real problem for me though is hormones. Hypothyroidism means weigh gain no matter what I eat and a lack of energy which goes so much deeper than normal tiredness.
It's also hard to find sporting clothing to fit. I am having so much trouble finding suitable togs that I would feel comfortable wearing to a gym, let alone a sports bra, which believe me is paramount unless a want two black eyes! However, despite all this, I am going to reclaim my health, my body and my life. It's been on hold now far too long. It's time I made me a priority again. As I said, enough is enough. This isn't a new years resolution. This is a promise to myself. It is not going to be easy so I'm going to need a lot of support. It's either that or Godzilla!And finally, A Happy New Year to all my blog friends. Your tenacity at bearing with my variable blog habits remains deeply appreciated by me.
I am so looking forward to Christmas. I always do of course. My childhood Christmases were so wonderful that the magic of this time of year has always stayed with me. I love choosing presents for friends and family, wrapping them and sending cards. I love receiving cards in the post instead of just bills and junk mail. I love that people are usually just a little bit nicer to each other. The picture is of my advent calendar which has goodies in each pocket ~ a small chocolatey treat.This year though, Christmas cannot come quickly enough as I get two weeks off work. I so need a break. Other than a couple of odd days off, the only time off work I have had was at Easter. Work has been particularly trying this year as well, mainly due to a very difficult boss, who is a control freak and only seems to care about outputs and process. On receiving a Christmas card from a friend at work, I overheard them ask "Are you allowed to send cards through the internal mail?" The jobsworth on a nearby desk confirmed that you were not and he said "I thought so" and seemed quite satisfied with himself. It just struck me as odd as most people would say "How nice, a Christmas card from so-and-so", but then I suppose it's in character for a person who stated at a team meeting "I don't feel the need to be friendly with my staff". We are a team of four people so needless to say motivation could be better. A year of this has left me somewhat stressed.On top of that I have been feeling very run down physically too. I went for tests and the doctor confirmed it is my thyroid again (and potentially something else) which would explain the constant tiredness, lack of concentration and the complete absence of energy. Steps are being taken and I have to go back for more tests soon. I still feel like crap all the time though so forgive my lack of blog presence. Still, thanks to online shopping all my Christmas presents are bought. My tree will be decorated this weekend coming and I will hopefully finish writing my cards this week. I have a Christmas CD in the car and I have a list of Christmas themed films to watch, from classics such as 'White Christmas' and 'It's a Wonderful Life' through to 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' and 'Die Hard' (1&2). Even health problems can't crush the Christmas spirit in this Kat : )
I know my last post was a month ago and once more life has got in the way of blogging. Despite my best efforts I haven't been able to find time or energy to blog and I am once again genuinely sorry for that. As ever, it's nothing in particular. Work has been very busy (a constant theme these days) and it has been hard enough keeping up with chores and finding time for photography let alone anything else. Those of you on FB will know I find 5 mins or so to update my status and say hi on there but it is so hard to find time to sit down and actually compose something.Energy has been an issue lately too and right now I am waiting for the results of various blood tests. I think they took a whole arm full and they seem to be covering all the bases. Part of my hopes they find nothing as I don't want to be ill, but part of me also hopes they find something as I must feel this awful, all the time for a reason? Ever feel conflicted? Anyway, I intend to make a special effort to visit all of you soon. I miss your blogs.
In the mean time I have had some sad news. That handsome hound I recently photographed in my last post died of a stroke yesterday. His owner is devastated. I have known Alfie since he was a puppy and he was a beautiful dog in nature and looks. He always had a big smile and a good wag and loved a game of ball and loved his owner. He will be missed. Rest in Peace Alfred the Great.
